Monday, March 09, 2009
This is impossible.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Yesterday I watched "The curious case of Benjamin Button". I found the ending slightly disappointing because after sitting through a movie slightly short of three hours long, one expects to gain new insights about life, instead of the usual carpe diem espousal.
Nonetheless, it was a timely reminder of how to live life circumspectly. I wonder if there's a limit to how many times we can start life over in a lifetime. Or, if there is an optimum number of times to start over so that you make just enough mistakes and have enough time to make up for all of them. I haven't given this much though but if I had the courage to start life over now, breakfast would be part of the morning routine and I would have more friends than acquaintances, etc etc.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Ci wrote a song for me.
Oh the first time I saw your face
You're like the princess in the book I traced
I coloured you and and made you mine
Just like the dreams I had last night
You're the diamond stuck on a gold ring
It won't shine as bright if it's missing
I'd put you on every day
And if I don't I won't feel the same
Chorus:
I'd give all I can for you
Just to show that my love is true
It may not be enough at times
But that does not mean I'm not trying
I remember when we used to date
I tried to grab your hand but was afraid
Now I have you baby in my arms
My wish came through and I thank God
He's the reason why we're here today
If not for him I'd be too late
I pray to him every night
That in His grace we'll be alright
I'd fight the wind and rain for you
My world may fall but I'll still love you
It may be too much at times
But that only shows I'm trying.
When he showed up in Phuket with flowers and fireworks to sing it to me, I must have been the happiest girl on the planet!
I love you Ci.
Happy 1st Anniversary.
Oh the first time I saw your face
You're like the princess in the book I traced
I coloured you and and made you mine
Just like the dreams I had last night
You're the diamond stuck on a gold ring
It won't shine as bright if it's missing
I'd put you on every day
And if I don't I won't feel the same
Chorus:
I'd give all I can for you
Just to show that my love is true
It may not be enough at times
But that does not mean I'm not trying
I remember when we used to date
I tried to grab your hand but was afraid
Now I have you baby in my arms
My wish came through and I thank God
He's the reason why we're here today
If not for him I'd be too late
I pray to him every night
That in His grace we'll be alright
I'd fight the wind and rain for you
My world may fall but I'll still love you
It may be too much at times
But that only shows I'm trying.
When he showed up in Phuket with flowers and fireworks to sing it to me, I must have been the happiest girl on the planet!I love you Ci.
Happy 1st Anniversary.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Ci and I decided that we would let Christmas and the New Year pass quietly, but meaningfully. We turned in our party hats for an afternoon at Block 105 Jalan Bukit Merah, Tiong Orchid. If you don't already know, this is where the infamous one room HDB flats can be found on both sides of a dimly lit corridor. The moment we stepped out of the lift, I felt claustrophobic for the first time in my life. Also, an irrational fear gripped me for I was afraid to find out who lived behind the doors that were rudely marred with paint or obscenities. 
Trust me, the picture provides an inaccurate description of the sight we beheld. For one, the angle makes the corridor look wider than it really is. Also, the flash makes the place alot brighter.
We did not arrive at the scene empty handed. Instead, we had spent the day before painstakingly preparing goodie bags that contained interalia, biscuits, a packet drink, a Milo packet, a bar of soap, and most importantly, a Christian tract. We prepared a comfortable number of 30 bags to spread the Christmas cheer to the abandoned flat.
As soon as we entered the first home, all the ruminations of my ill founded fears were swiftly demolished. We were greeted with a meek smile instead of hostility. While credit goes to the fact that people usually lighten up to Christmas presents and greetings, I am sure God was behind all of it. I politely asked the 65 year old elderly if she would let us in for a chat and received an invitation past the gate in turn.
Strangely enough, Mdm Lau was a very patient listener during the conversation we had with her in a speak disgraceful to the Chinese language. My heart broke to hear stories that we would soon be familiar with as the afternoon went by, mostly of ailing health, straggling medical bills, and unfillial children or spouses. She spoke mostly with a soft voice, only raising it to ask us repeatedly if anyone cared for her. Of course we replied telling her about God and how He cared for her. Half an hour later we left, teary eyed, shaken, but resolute on our promise to visit her again (this coming Monday). 
God really sent us to this elderly woman. Her door was firmly locked and I was about to pass by on the premise that nobody was home. However, Ci pulled me back and gave the door a resounding knock. Seconds later we were greeted with a painful whimper and pleas for help. She struggled to open the door for us and I soon found out what the problem was as she weakly pointed to her leg. Almost a week later I cannot forget how desperate her wailing was. She had contracted gangrene on her left leg and it was causing her agnonizing pain. She didn't even have ten dollars to visit a doctor. I saw pure naked survival one tragedy after another. This, I concluded after a 45 minute heart to heart. Midway we were instructed to call her unfillial daughter not to ask for money, but only in the hope that she would not put down the phone in an unexplained disgust. We taught her a song but because she is illiterate, she could not read the lyrics. I ended up croaking through the song to her. If only Ci had brought his violin, we would have been able to rival the blasting Karaoke from next door.
She cried many times just recounting the viscissitudes of her life to us. I cried even more listening to her. She told us of her two sons who died before her, her husband who passed on leaving her in the care of a friend, and of her fears of dying alone. She told us of her life savings that were wiped out by children who refused her calls, and of her second husband's struggle with kidney failure.
God really sent us to this elderly woman. Her door was firmly locked and I was about to pass by on the premise that nobody was home. However, Ci pulled me back and gave the door a resounding knock. Seconds later we were greeted with a painful whimper and pleas for help. She struggled to open the door for us and I soon found out what the problem was as she weakly pointed to her leg. Almost a week later I cannot forget how desperate her wailing was. She had contracted gangrene on her left leg and it was causing her agnonizing pain. She didn't even have ten dollars to visit a doctor. I saw pure naked survival one tragedy after another. This, I concluded after a 45 minute heart to heart. Midway we were instructed to call her unfillial daughter not to ask for money, but only in the hope that she would not put down the phone in an unexplained disgust. We taught her a song but because she is illiterate, she could not read the lyrics. I ended up croaking through the song to her. If only Ci had brought his violin, we would have been able to rival the blasting Karaoke from next door. She cried many times just recounting the viscissitudes of her life to us. I cried even more listening to her. She told us of her two sons who died before her, her husband who passed on leaving her in the care of a friend, and of her fears of dying alone. She told us of her life savings that were wiped out by children who refused her calls, and of her second husband's struggle with kidney failure.
There's more. We covered six floors distributing the presents, and spent time talking to a few other elderly people, including the man above, and a lovely elderly lady who seemed to enjoy listening to us.
I left feeling vaguely unfufilled. We had only covered six floors.
Ci and I had little to say to each other on the journey home. I suppose we were both lost in our own thoughts about the afternoon. For me, it was surreal until it hit me how insular my life really is. I felt ashamed of the times I have spent navel gazing when I could be doing so much more for a whole community of people. Also, I rebuked myself silently for my poor command of the Chinese language that made me feel so inadequate and ineffective when clear communication was so important. You don't get opportunities like these often.
Most of all I was fearful that I would soon return to my conventional preoccupations in another time a world apart from Block 105, and forget my resolutions to return. God forbid.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
In the quiet of my room, I tearfully wrote some Christmas cards to a few loved ones.
It is a season of remembrance, mostly because Jesus came to earth to dwell with men, but also of relationships, some broken, some not. I am thankful for the latter.
Ci my "violin virtuoso" came over after Church. We had a jolly good time playing carols together, me on the keys, and him on the fiddle.
Thank you for the presents, cards, and well-wishes.
(P.s. Cherie, the Reeses are almost gone, already!)
Blessed Christmas everyone.
It is a season of remembrance, mostly because Jesus came to earth to dwell with men, but also of relationships, some broken, some not. I am thankful for the latter.
Ci my "violin virtuoso" came over after Church. We had a jolly good time playing carols together, me on the keys, and him on the fiddle.
Thank you for the presents, cards, and well-wishes.
(P.s. Cherie, the Reeses are almost gone, already!)
Blessed Christmas everyone.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Thrilled.
Law of Torts: A
Singapore Legal System: B+
LAWR: B+
Not fantastic but good enough.
Thank God.
He never lets his people down.
Law of Torts: A
Singapore Legal System: B+
LAWR: B+
Not fantastic but good enough.
Thank God.
He never lets his people down.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
For the past week and a half, I have left the study room at 12mn/1am after at least 12-14 hours of studying. Just studying. The week before, I left slightly earlier at 10/11. I am exhuasted. And I don't think I have any more friends left since my world has been the study room and it's inhabitants. I'm sorry. It will be over on the 5th. Till then, please don't forget me because I haven't forgotten you.